A DIFFERENT BEAT

Missing notes of loosened strings, Fading shades from worn-out brushes, and, ticking seconds by His watch, I call these dregs of life. Disarrayed figments of monotonous breaths fill my canvass of penniless life. My eyes see darkness within and ears hear echoes afar, Hapless in a game of rules I lie. Count my hair, you stop at three. Teeth, you never start. Shades, I have is all of grey. The self is alone, no shadows near, I hear myself cry. Old is not always gold. Old is sometimes cold rarely bold, and frequently sold in cheques to white blocks. Old age, spare me your troubles Or hear me swear, with this little air in me left. You tear me apart and suckle me shriveled, for Ruthlessness is your father.

O mother! I have lost a battle fought unfairly in the darkest hours of humanity. Brutalized in the claws of a menagerie, I stare into deepest trenches of agony. In their inhuman acts of choosing turns, they strangulated my dreams and trampled my individuality. Rocked from holy to unholy dust In seconds of beastly lust, I weep not in tears, but blood. Into the despairs of endless torture, I fell dignified like a fallen duchess. O mother! Hear me say. Hunt the hounds and feed them my gangrene. My nails have buried bits of their flesh, despair not mother, feed the rabid dogs. O mother! I am hurt. I want a drop of water to wet my lips that are swollen from some rotten worms. I have broken bones and disjoint hips, and wings that have lost all its feathers. O mother! Am I still alive? Treasure my reveries, for I give up. My breath is shorter than a millisecond And I don’t know for how long, I will breathe, slowly into death. O mot...

The cold sweep of air moved its fingers through my hair. The chillness did not beat me harsh, I walked tired and lost but strong at heart. My bosom heaved in rhythm wild I clutched the bundle in my hand. It moved.I didn't. In the darkest moments of my life I lay the bundle on the roadside. Near the grove of hope. Dogs,keep away. That is all I can say. In the darkness of that night I watch for a while, I try to read its expression. I am losing it forever, but it does not seem to care. Atleast not for now. My..no..no..that is painful Bundle is asleep. No parting kisses No lullabies No hugs No caresses Hate me Bundle..Hate me... I walk away not into the streets lighted but into passages congested where my dreams are for sale. A bundle I have lost, Bundle I have lost. Lost to live. Bundle...Wrapped in tatters, Bruised with a burden, Showered with curses, But blessed with a life. Bundle,Live long. For I have none,but thee. I stop. Not to wa...

Dear Emily, I hear no buzz here. Just a swish of the machine near that has mechanically tuned into the eternal silence of this room and the world beyond. No chariot awaits me, but invitations pour in from people I haven't seen. Strangers who resemble me. Hmm..Wait.. I have seen her on the wall! Yes! my mother's mother's mother. (No one cares for my English here  even a whimper is welcome) She is standing there but my hands cannot reach her. I lie still with white around me. My body is numb. They call me 'vegetable'. Cucumber, Brinjal or Carrot? (Please..not Carrot..I don't like its taste.  I remember throwing away  the carrot halwa) Yes! I know, I qualify as a Drumstick. (Mumma, that was a joke..Please laugh) I hear my mother crying "Mumma, don't cry." That hurts me more than all these tubes poking my organs. Emily, I have read you. I sound brave, don't I? Your verse simplified death. Butt...but...bb... Em...

Fingers slender, white and hot with mushes of hair ran its meandered course through a trespassed terrain. My breath held back in aghast turned my body cold Alert I stood in a forced helplessness with legs stretched, arms spread and underarms in sweat. My young son looked through the tinted glass. His mother had turned into a doll in this officer's hands. The man's fingers disappeared into cream laces of a halter neck The search spread into contours deep where treasures of a lifetime were hid. Each second of that touch felt sharper than a thousand tigers' claws. He patted my butt "Search over." I raised my face to the sky. The blackness of my skin confronted the blackness of the clouds. I cried out loud in bolts of absorbed indignity piercing the deepest jungles of Amazon. "I am black born black but I bleed red hemoglobin red ...................... ..................... ..................... not black my tears are colou...

As my teeth concaved into the cream coloured mayonnaise, the garlic and ginger paste fused into the unknown intricacies of taste buds that were watered heavily for a while. Capsicum here, spring onion there oriented leaves disoriented crumbles garden of green churned into white I felt like heaven in the Garden of Eden. Bed crust burnt and brownish, I felt like, yes Paradise Lost!!

   When we three sat on the sofa yesterday, I was reminded of once upon a time   where the equations were different. I took myself on a journey back in time    when I was nothing but a bundle in my mom's hands. I don't remember anything from those days   but photographs suffice-  Of a beautiful mom in cream saree, tired yet proud  and a 'once more beautiful' and 'then still beautiful'  Grand mom in all her grandness,holding us tight.   Years in motion,     Old Age on hunt, Grand mom fell prey. Freckles and Grey hair,    But still my adorable  SUPERMOM.         I see another shot from past,     of which I have memories.     On this same sofa,we sat a dozen years back     on my twentieth birthday. My mom hugged me tight   and my grand mom hugged me tighter. We made a lov...

Those of you, the privileged few sitting on cosy chairs on the red carpet floors in the air-conditioned rooms thumping hard on wood when your leader speaks and shouting smart when the opposition attempts, listen to me. I'll teach you the basic rules of protest- for what to protest and how to protest. Stop this farce! I peep into the deserted streets through the window frame that holds a broken glass. I lie low in my dimly lit cold room. Listen to me, the laws are safe in the pages of your book but beyond these boundaries we live shattered lives. Uniformed men march in unison. Every corner spots a military vehicle. I hear their siren,the rest turns mute. They stop us, frisk us and question us. Alas!we cannot carry x-rays of our souls. You laugh over bread crust and wine when we wry throughout the day and when we cry terribly loud you comment fast in boxed spaces to receive more replies, retweets, and likes. We are mere puppets that exchange hands Will we ever rise in this jour...

Trapped behind the loveless walls of a caged room, calls a torn-heart to the distant world. Crushed with brutal violence Silenced with unheard torture I weep with dry tears. I stare beyond the iron bars I see no stars Even they have eluded me Behind the dark clouds. Confined in the suffocating spaces of my cell I am denied my privacy. I do not cry for help,why should I when I breath the putrid air of denied justice. Each moment is a bondage here where I toil harder with myself to keep my numbness alive. In the shadow of an act (they call it crime) once done, in the spur of the moment, I lie here forgotten and broken with a fractured freedom and spirit and an unageing memory, I force myself to forget. I have learnt to live this life "Mother don't weep for me." A life-sentence with no life condemns me here. But tell them all in words so clear "Don't call me a child of lesser God."

I type on an on line after line in a rhytmic fashion with set iambs and unsettled thoughts. They read perfect and are my best so far. I have no doubts, let the world read it and praise my skills. But I realize, no time has not yet come let my self mature and wait till my fingers can say a toast to my life. I undo my typing faster than ever before.

Doubly blinded I crawl towards a land unknown, where The gates are closed, there I feel a foot, cold unwelcoming Destiny stands tall. I look within, and tell myself The bars are wide, move on I feel a whiff of warm air Dawn has broken in. Doubly blinded I move into my future.

One Two Three,they came and I lost my count. All in an embrace brown and blue with a band of white. I clutched my ring But missed the caress. The waves faded into the waves But I had no shoulder to rest. The vastness ahead swallowed my tears and echoed from a distant land "Until we meet again."

"Who are you?" bang came the question. who,me, what? A thought that never shot across. Will a name do? Does the answer suffice it? Existence deflated into few syllables. I am worth more than a name. If not I am suffering an identity crisis. Yes,I am worth more than a name!

"Does it?" The question is pestering. But I have no choice but to answer. There is no need to think. The reply is "Yes,it does." No doubt, It does.

Into the distance of a stare I poured my emotions and let it mix.That in a moment led me astray. But all at once, I felt a pain of none,but existence. Yesterday,a memory ajar Today,an experience par Tomorrow,an uncertainty far. If not for these life was made, no reasons would have I to live a day. For all these times so turbulent makes hope a sweet inspiration to live a day when smiles would spread. If not for it, Then why call this a state of existence and bother we much to live a day.

Each step in precision made to stumble not in the aisle way; cynosure of all eyes,walk I in a trembling yet composed self. Smiles or stares,I cannot mark.But all I know is, the looks devour me. My apparel in cream and gold tears myself from me, When chains around my neck are nothing,but bonds of suffocating threads. What entertains them, I know not. Or is it the entire me?I wonder yon. Flower girls by my side lead me on And all dear ones girdle me strong. When,from within, a poor,timid heart cries out in silence loud "Yo!Only if I could run free." Not an ear to spare a thought, I still march on- carrying with me A thousand pieces of a crushed soul. to a life I would exchange for all the pleasures of life. All I love is to be lonely and free, To run wild through the misty mountain ways to an untrampled spot never found so mystic. Will I echo my name far and near to every spot of unheard bower ...

All alone in white he stood staring at me for long; Lost in the wilderness between was thoughts of intense love. Calm and pale,a man so fair Never in my life had seen,o dear When danced I a step or two To please my Lord,not so near. Rounded was he, that I cupped in my hand But still far was he O!Only if I could touch thee. Romantic and tempting,he sat In a kingdom so far Born to rule,a night so cool and me thy girl,so pure. On a mission thy go when lost are you: for days I weep cause I cannot see you. But today you reign there in a distant land Beyond my reach and beyond my touch O!yet I am happy for you fill my dreams and guard my sleep If not for you,my dreams never would shine. All for you,my Love I wait,all day O! my Mr.Moon!

(These lines have been written with an idea in mind that is against the existing conventions-here, I have treated the Earth as a mighty man and the subjective element 'I' is not the personal me; but a man) My Love Uninvited, her Knock I heard In a time not so weird, when in my room alone I sat waiting for her tat. At my pane,in a rhythm so wild, she danced like a child coaxing me to join her; But all I could was to spend a tear. Impatient I sat in my chair bound by infirmities of a life,unfair. For my heart wept uneasily unable to merge in thee,freely. Yet thou flee from me, taking with thee,my dreams and glee, to where you belong,dear friend The Earth,with no end. From a distant land you traversed, Darting to kiss thy Lord; But in a mile somwhere,unknown were robbed of your chastity,once worn; Never neglected,still thou art respected For the earth welcomes thou with its chest open,now, where you unite in love: In thy greatness, O Earth ! I bo...

The girl smiled at me quite co-ordially.I immediately noticed her.An unseen bond tied us together.I wanted to break free.But she would not let me go .Her face was familiar deep down the memory lane,but not clear enough to recognize her.I simply stopped and gazed at her.So did she. She looked thin and frail.Her eyes were sunken,deep in pain.Her nose was long ,standing like a failed fortress.Her lips were pale.The brightness long lost,her face was stale among fresh faces.She tried to call out to me.But her voice did not reach me.I moved a bit close.So did she. She was now a bit near ,but i could not feel her breath ,yet i could see her tears.One,two,three...down they rolled.Her pain was killing me too.The suffocation in my chest gave way to a sigh and then more tears.I rubbed my tears.So did she. We did not wait to talk to each other.I did not want to listen to her.I knew why she was crying.The excruciating agony was piercing my heart.I jus turned back and wal...

Ask me to smile...i may not...cos it might pain my cheeks Ask me to cry...i may not...cos it might trouble my eyes Ask me to listen...i may not...cos it might bother my ears Ask me to play...i may not...cos it might trouble my body Ask me to work...i may not...cos it might tire me totally But one thing you ask me ...i might never say no Ask me to sleep...i will...cos i m titled the "QUEEN OF LAZINESS"